How To Accept Personal Change, Growth & The Person You Are Today

Change. 

We all go through it, even though most of us try to avoid it. Change is uncomfortable, especially the older you get. You've spent most of your life "learning" who you are. When you reach adulthood you feel like you know everything there is to know about your own identity. Your beliefs, your ethics, morals, and how you see the world. But the reality is, this is not true. Although your self-learning may feel slower than it used to be as you were "growing up," that doesn't mean you have stopped growing... developing... learning. 

I used to always be afraid of change, trying to stay as far away from it as I could. I've been lucky to have a life rich of love, friendship and meaning. And honestly, I thought it was always going to be that way. Throughout my teens, I struggled with the conventional norms of life, but had a generous network of people around me to help me understand and work through my issues. When I hit my 20's, I can honestly say they were the best they could have ever been, surrounded by the closest friendships I had ever felt, rich of experience, exploring far corners of my consciousness, as well as what all 20 somethings like to do, partying to all hours of the day (not an exaggeration!). When I left my 20's I also left behind my comfort zone of "home" and stepped out into the world that was ahead of me. I moved to South East Asia, out from under the safety net of my family and "home", and started a journey of my own without the familiarity of friends, surroundings and culture. And yet, I found myself clinging to the past even more, clinging to who I used to be, saying to myself that the past me was and IS my personality, and that I had already discovered myself well enough. Boy, was I wrong! I spent a lot of time going through life feeling a deep sense of being lost and displaced (I must note here that I also did have a few majorly traumatic events going on in the background, so these feelings of displacement were not completely due to my fear of "change," but my fear of change definitely had a huge impact on the way I dealt with those troubling situations).

It took making a few conscious changes in my life to fully appreciate the feeling of change. I realised I didn't have to extinguish that familiar fire within me that I held so closely to my self-identity, I just had to learn how to keep it at a low burn, but still at a constant so that it reminded me of my pillar beliefs. Luckily, because my childhood involved a lot of moving between countries, I have grown to be quite an adaptable person to my environment. Yet, despite years of multi-cultural travelling and emigration, nothing had prepared me for the defense my emotions would put up to the mental development and change that was in store when I finally did reach my adult self. Once I identified my "fear of change" I was able to work at my acceptance of it, also self-acknowledging that the new me was a good me.

As Alan Watts once said,

"You are under no obligation to be the same person you were 5 minutes ago" - Alan Watts

Whether that be 5 minutes ago, months or even years at that, I have finally come to accept change, and actually appreciate it. I am proud of my change, as I now can see that it would be quite worrying if I hadn't changed from the person I used to be 5, or even 10 years ago, when I was in my early-mid 20's and felt that my life couldn't be any better.

Food for thought. I just wanted to write this down to support anyone out there battling the same struggle, having difficulty accepting new stages of change. You are most definitely not alone! Yes, it feels really bloody scary. But, the reality is that it's natural, and a part of your journey. You never have to feel afraid or ashamed of growth. Growth is what determines our own personal success, and how far we have come along. Who wants to be stuck in the stagnant past!

And on an ending note, although I grew up with the self-mantra of "no regrets," here's a post I found online that made me recall some funny memories. ᐂ